Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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