Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize