I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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