Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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