You're my little dorito
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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