Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
