Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cat food counts as protein by the way
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
