I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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