dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
