Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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