Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
