No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
