Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
