i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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