3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
