Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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