Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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