You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
