he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
