Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
how drunk are you?
Several
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
