A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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