some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
