im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
