if i can run in heels then i can drive
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize