Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
