Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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