Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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