Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bring me that man meat
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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