Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
