I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Never underestimate the power of titties
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
