question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
