6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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