Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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