marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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