party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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