I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
