just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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