also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
