saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
