piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
