never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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