If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
