Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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