my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You're like the curious george of whores
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
