I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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