you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Green mimosas i think yes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
