in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
