lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
