I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
