She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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