He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
