thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize