I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
