oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
