Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
