you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
