Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
