dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
