so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
