it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
