So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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