We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
