She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
