i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize