Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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